Category Archives: blogstory

Words

There are things
I could say
There are things
I don’t
And things I should
And things I won’t

There would be no difference
These words never will change
How you feel
And even if they did
After all this time
I know it wouldn’t be real

You love her
You hate her
The very mention of her
Sends you into so many emotions
It has been a year
Still you cannot shake her
I have never seen you in this place before

You, the one quick to make fun
The one rarely serious
Willing to give up
Anything
Everything
For her

I love you
But you do not
Love me as much as
Half of the love
You still feel for her

So watch me
Encourage you
To find someone new
To get out in the world
To be happy

While I know
I can never change your feelings
And allow you to forget her
I can never earn after eight years
the same trust
You have given her
In a matter of months

Caleb

My longish distance( he lives in a town over) text dumped me. Which is fine, I was going to dump him, just wanted to do it in person. He and I were never close, just friends really. A guy that goes to my school told me that he liked me so I asked him out, and we went geocaching last Saturday. We’ll call him Caleb. Caleb really likes computers and is a total geek. I got him hooked on Doctor Who and he is trying to get me to like Star Wars.(Sorry to disappoint you guys, I don’t love Star Wars) Caleb and I have been really good friends the past two years, so we’ll see how this works out.

Jealous?

I love to sing. I have always identified myself as a singer. My exfriend, Amy is a singer too. We were in the same choir and she got the only solo- I was upset I didn’t get it, but my range is no longer first soprano. We grew apart and by that I mean she kicked me to the curb. I can give examples… But I am really trying not to be bitter. ANYWAYS She and I both auditioned for the school musical… I didn’t get in, she did(choir member). One of my friends, Nick, got a small role in the musical. And I am really happy for him, his voice has really improved and he deserves the role. I also have some friends working behind the scenes in tech crew. All of my friends want me to go to the musical. Normally it would be right up my ally. I wanted to go to the musical last year but couldn’t because I was busy.  I should go, support my friends, and have a good time…BUT the thought of it makes my stomach churn. I am fine with not getting in, I am fine that my friend got in, happy even, I am not fine that Amy got in. Why? Am I jealous? I wanted a role, but I am fine with not getting one, Have a lot on my plate anyways. But I can’t stand the thought of seeing her there.  Like she’s mocking me. Reminding me she’s better than me…idk. Am I jealous or what? Why do I care?

Water

My stepdad holds up a wine glass. Brown water swashes daring to fall out. He is making a big fuss about the glass. I don’t understand. It’s just a dirty wine glass filled with water to wash it. That is, I don’t get it until he tells me that water came out of our sink, brown.

Just my dramatic account 🙂

New Year

For most people the new year is a time of looking forward to make improvements in your life. For me it is a time to reflect. I hope you all have a happy 2014, and I hope when reflecting on 2013 you don’t have any regrets. Happy New Year! 🙂

A hard time for me

There was a time when I felt like my core being had been ripped from me. I love to write and to sing, but at the time I didn’t feel good enough. I don’t know why, I had always been confident before and nothing horribly embarrassing happened. Just woke up one day and I felt like I had been living a lie. I am not a good singer, I love to sing, but I can’t. I felt like that sentence was on replay in my head. It hurt, the thing I always go to make myself feel better I couldn’t do right. But that was who I am, then all the sudden it was gone. Maybe I was comparing myself to others when it came to music, but the same happened for writing and I don’t have anyone to compare myself to there. Maybe it was because I had just had a falling out with who I thought was my best friend and felt bad because no one else wanted to be my friend. I’ll be honest, I am that annoying girl who sings in the hallways. I used to sing because it made me happy, but during this time I felt like I was singing to fill a void. The empty part when my friend should be talking, instead of pointing and laughing at me when she thinks I don’t notice. Then I read this http://www.diaryforteens.com/mydiary/ (if it isn’t there search the climb by Emmalie ostler-Miller) I realized that other people had problems too. Again I don’t know why this made a difference, I just woke up one day and the weight was gone. Full disclosure I am nervous now about singing in front of people during choir practice,(It doesn’t feel like anyone is listening in the halls) but I don’t dwell on not being a good singer. Writing wise I am fine with others reading my work, as long as I feel it is ready. If you are going through a hard time remember that you are important and that the longer you persevere the closer you are to better day.

First post

Ok so I’ve tried to write this a few times now and I realized something. The whole point of me writing this is that I can be myself and not worry about people judging me. I feel like I’m a different person around my family, around my friends, but who does that make me? So I decided to create a place where I could be myself and no one has to read it if they don’t want to. So in a nut shell this is me uncensored.