Monthly Archives: October 2014

Time

Everything is going so fast, yet every second seems to take forever. I keep wanting to fast forward to a time where I don’t have to do all this work, a time where I am not stressing about my next AP class test. At the same time I am so scared of the future. What college should I go to? What do I do after college? Where will I work? Where will I live? It has been a year since I first started this blog a year ago, wow, it seems like forever ago. I keep thinking of how much I have changed, everything I have learned and I feel like I’ve lost myself…somehow. I don’t know how to explain it. The person I am now isn’t who I thought I would be, that’s fine, I am happy with who I am now. But I feel so disconnected from my younger self, who was I back then, certainly not the same person I am now, this upsets me. I feel like I’ve lost who I am, but the truth is I am just changing, growing up, and ┬áseeing the world more realistically. I miss not having to worry about things and being able to relax, now I find myself asking what the point is good grades in high school lead to college good grades in college lead to work and work leads to retirement at which point I have no energy to do the things I want to, I know this is a very negative way of looking at it and things aren’t so absolute but it feels like that. It feels like I am never going to be able to go back to being me, without being worried about how I fit in with the world. The new me is worried and takes the world into account. I wish that I could go back to that little girl who was ready to take on the world. I wish people’s opinions didn’t matter to me and that the world couldn’t stop me from accomplishing my dreams, but the truth is it can.

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