I have been on both sides. I have been a bully and I have been bullied. Because of this there are a few things I would like to put out there.
1. When I was a bully, I didn’t realize it. Even though people would call me a bully I didn’t think of myself as one. At the beginning it sounds like I have stopped being a bully, that isn’t exactly true. I sometimes say mean things to people and that is bullying and I am not proud of it. I don’t mean to but it happens. So ask yourself if you are being a bully at times, even if you think it is just messing around, could the other person be hurt?
2. I used to think there weren’t Bullies. Sure, we read books about them in class and there are movies about bullying, but to me the issue wasn’t close. It was a problem, I was aware of that, I just didn’t notice it at my school. Like I know that people are starving but I don’t see it here in my perfect bubble. Later I realized I wasn’t bullied because I was a bully.
3. As I have stated previously(in another post) I sing in the school hallways. Which isn’t the best thing to do, and I get that it annoys people. The thing is not singing hurts, it just makes me sad. And every time a person asks me to stop, it hurts, it is like them telling me that I am not important. So I am sorry for annoying everyone, I do try to sing softly, and maybe it is selfish to sing, but I tried not singing once and it was awful.
4. When people bully me for something, I don’t think they understand what I go through, so let me explain. It is telling me that I am wrong in everything. That something is wrong with me, that everything that makes me who I am is wrong. Everything that I find important doesn’t matter. And I start to believe that they are right. No one else seemed to care that we didn’t wash our plates when we ate breakfast at camp, besides me. Why should I? Care, that is. I mean if you have 10 people against you in an argument, who are you going to think is right, you or the ten people? It makes me feel stupid and unimportant. I have a fear( I won’t say what because it would give away my identity) but it is a strange fear, it is a phobia or a fear that makes no sense. Well I told someone not to do something because of this fear, but they didn’t care cause to them it didn’t matter. They didn’t think I would find out, so they did it. But I caught them. They betrayed my trust and they didn’t care about me, or how I would feel. I got mad when I saw them. Their excuse? It shouldn’t matter to me, it made no sense why I was so scared of it. Not an I’m sorry, no, what I heard was ” It doesn’t matter because your opinion isn’t important.” Every time someone is bullied that is how it feels… like there is something wrong with you and you don’t matter.
5. The truth is everyone matters. So act like they do.
Sorry if this seems like rambling or bad writing or whatever. This blog is me and I am going to be true to myself on it. This is how I thought when writing this and thus it is what got written.