Monthly Archives: November 2013

A hard time for me

There was a time when I felt like my core being had been ripped from me. I love to write and to sing, but at the time I didn’t feel good enough. I don’t know why, I had always been confident before and nothing horribly embarrassing happened. Just woke up one day and I felt like I had been living a lie. I am not a good singer, I love to sing, but I can’t. I felt like that sentence was on replay in my head. It hurt, the thing I always go to make myself feel better I couldn’t do right. But that was who I am, then all the sudden it was gone. Maybe I was comparing myself to others when it came to music, but the same happened for writing and I don’t have anyone to compare myself to there. Maybe it was because I had just had a falling out with who I thought was my best friend and felt bad because no one else wanted to be my friend. I’ll be honest, I am that annoying girl who sings in the hallways. I used to sing because it made me happy, but during this time I felt like I was singing to fill a void. The empty part when my friend should be talking, instead of pointing and laughing at me when she thinks I don’t notice. Then I read this (if it isn’t there search the climb by Emmalie ostler-Miller) I realized that other people had problems too. Again I don’t know why this made a difference, I just woke up one day and the weight was gone. Full disclosure I am nervous now about singing in front of people during choir practice,(It doesn’t feel like anyone is listening in the halls) but I don’t dwell on not being a good singer. Writing wise I am fine with others reading my work, as long as I feel it is ready. If you are going through a hard time remember that you are important and that the longer you persevere the closer you are to better day.

Soul mate clock

I recently saw this question on pinterest:What if there was a clock that would countdown till your soul mate? Following were a bunch of stories people had created, I decided to do one.

I had to wait for 3 months 21 days 5 hours 3 minutes and 12 seconds to meet my soul mate, according to the 500 dollar clock. I booked a plane ticket to Paris for that time, where else should one meet their true love? Waiting seemed to take years as I planned the moment in my head. Finally it was time to get on the plane. My heart was beating so fast, I feared I wouldn’t make it. On the plane I figured out the exact time I would meet my soul mate, then I fell asleep. After getting off the plane, I made sure not to read any clocks, as I aimlessly traveled through Paris. Well, not aimlessly, I went to all the sites I had always wanted to see. I made it to the Louvre and to the Mona Lisa. I was walking down the hall thinking of the history. Turning I bumped into him. His blonde curls made me smile, his blue eyes saw into my soul.  “0,” we both said even though the clocks were gone.

Turning to the glass case where I kept it, I started to cry. The clock was forever stuck on 0 since I met him. Engraved on it was April 5, 2020 4:03 pm. Next to it was the ring; silver band with a lab princess cut diamond in a classic setting. He was funny, kind, and caring. Always knew the right thing to say and how to make me feel better. He inspired me in so many ways.  “I love you,” I whispered holding the glass close. Some how I know he heard me.